Lovin' me some crenshaw melons (not really)

As a frenetic dad I need quick and easy fuel for my troops.  This morning I discovered a painfully slow and difficult form of fuel: The Crenshaw Melon.

The Majesty Crenshaw Melon

Wikipedia tells us that the Crenshaw Melon is in the cultivar group of the muskmelon, Cucumis melo Inodorus group, which includes honeydew, casaba, Persian, winter, and other mixed melons.  Yeah.  Exactly. What the what?

Gooey wood in the center of our melon

If the definition doesn't do the trick I submit for your review, absent reader, the steps required to prepare this food for consumption:

1. Obtain melon from counter
2. Wash melon to remove "dirt" from rind
3. Note that Batter Blaster pancakes would be done by now
4. Cut melon
5. Scoop out little bits of gooey wood from core of melon
6. Use ice cream scooper to extract melon chunks
7. Contemplate a breakfast of ice cream instead of melon
8. Place remainder of melon in fridge
9. Taste melon
10. Place melon and melon chunks in garbage

If you are like me you are wondering whether or not the Crenshaw melon is grown in the Crenshaw neighborhood of South Los Angeles.  It is not.